Posts
i know i am late.
but its sunday night and i need to post a post or i miss this weeks two. this is my dog ate my homework. (i know its lame to write about your own inability to write, but this is the best i can come up with at such a short notice. )
so why am i late this week?
actually i dont have much of a reason. i wasnt swamped with work. i wasnt moving mountains, or planets or even rocks. i was just at work doing my daily work type things which for the last month or so involved a lot of sitcom viewing. i dont watch them for work, i just watch them at work. it does affect my productivity, it makes me feel guilty after the first 4 hrs and motivates me into working for about half an hr or so on a good day. on the bad ones for about 10 minutes and i am back to my shows.
so what happened this week. this week i had to decide. decide weather i should stay here and soldier on towards what ever form of life i am going to lead if i continue down this rabbit hole, or do i leave home, move to another city in pursuit of greener pastures. now as far as my decision making skills are concerned, you can ask anyone i know, they will all tell you that karthik is a legend when it comes to not choosing. i have almost perfected procrastination of my life choices to a point where i am starting to believe that there i life possible without choosing at all. so this week i had to make a choice. and i HAD to do it. it couldnt be pushed any further. i had to make a call. in terms of my newly devised scale for decision making, menu units. it takes 10 Mu to oder your own lunch at lunch time. but if you are bored it takes you anything upto a 100 units to order "something nice".
this weeks decision needed something like 200000 Mu. now you can image the magnitude of the weight on my head. its amazing i didnt try to kill myself.
so if i delayed work this week, it is only because of the things i had on my mind.
the folks back home would be happy to know that i shall continue in my inconsequential ways in the city. i am not moving. i shall stay and brave my own demons this year. it is going to be a phenomenal year and i want to be here to witness it!
it happened right there.
after the super heavy post of last week, i thought i should go lighter this time. may be something not involving explosions genocidal idiots and such. but then only time will tell if i can let that happen. (this is like the recap section that so many day time televison series have)
(title track)
(silly adverts of soaps, perfumes, insurance companies and their likes)
(and finally the plot fades in from black)
we were at a funeral this week. a friends father had just passed on. (or as they say 'expired' here) but this incident has nothing to do with the death, or the funeral, or even the friend. its just to tell you that this was the kind of place that almost screams out meaning less discussions to keep the place from going explosively silent.
so there we were, talking about our worldly stories, exchanging stories of holidays, work, and others, the newly weds talking of the recently gone valantines day, and how they had the coziest little dinner, or how work ruined their weekend but they still managed to do something valantiny, and the always evident married ones preaching to us singles as to how awesome married life is and how we should get married the minute we can. (at this point i always imagine that they suddenly turn into these preacher like clothes, the white cassocked, balding bearded men and very nun like clothed women without the bald or the beard, preaching/sermoning us to get god/religion or what ever it is that they are selling). thus wading from meaningless conversations to meaningless conversations we waited for the decent time to leave.
one such topic we walked by was the existence of a digital life, social networking, mafia wars, farmville and such. and people ridiculed the obsession that others had and how when we were kids we had such games we played offline and on LAN. and how even seniors today have gotten on to these trivial pursuits. then like any other conversation between friends fingers were pointed on how that person did things the same way as those described earlier. when it comes to anything remotely on the internet, i am generally the one to be pointed to. not because i am good at anything there, but because of my dependence on all things digital. my phone, ipod, macbook all of these things that i shall shamelessly acknowledge that i cannot do without. what if started to emerge, what if i woke up one day, my laptop wouldnt boot, my phone died, m ipod wont play, my email addresses erased, and everything that i did on the internet just basically vanished. (this blog included, but no one mentioned that because i am sure no one reads it) and so on and like every other time, it would end in if that happened i would kill myself. and they all somehow enjoy that ending. something about, now i know this man is mortal. his life can be in our hands, its not diabolical, its just natural that people dont like to know that there are people whose weakness these people dont know.
(commercial break. bad adverts and such. go grab your popcorn, or change the channels now, cos the tone of this series is about to get preachy)
but then i started wondering, dont we all have such things? for some its their little blinking screens, for some it is their online persona, for some it is their money, they pride, for some it is their loved ones. everyone has a set of things, that enable them to get by without which you would find it difficult to function. if that thing, is your digital persona so be it.
the argument they have against it, is that its not real because i cannot touch it. and because i can go to all those places without leaving my chair, those places dont exist either. i think that is a sad assumption to make. the internet, and therefore all things that happen on it are real. the places, the people the things that these people do in those places . second life is not an extension of you on the internet, it is you online. the mind does things that the body just cannot catch up with. so when you lose something online, when your associations with it are purely that of the mind, you would tend to lose it.
imagine if your house got bombed. would you understand if someone killed themselves over it then? (i know i promised not to talk of bombs and death, but this is just to show you why someone would kill themselves over lost facebook pages)
we are ok with people jumping off buildings over lost jobs. but we are not willing to accept that there are some who would do everything they do, online... and if they lose it they almost lose it all. in this day and age? wake up neandrathal and smell the instant coffee!
(fade to black....)
to be continued...
(meaning less white noise between two badly made series.)
after the super heavy post of last week, i thought i should go lighter this time. may be something not involving explosions genocidal idiots and such. but then only time will tell if i can let that happen. (this is like the recap section that so many day time televison series have)
(title track)
(silly adverts of soaps, perfumes, insurance companies and their likes)
(and finally the plot fades in from black)
we were at a funeral this week. a friends father had just passed on. (or as they say 'expired' here) but this incident has nothing to do with the death, or the funeral, or even the friend. its just to tell you that this was the kind of place that almost screams out meaning less discussions to keep the place from going explosively silent.
so there we were, talking about our worldly stories, exchanging stories of holidays, work, and others, the newly weds talking of the recently gone valantines day, and how they had the coziest little dinner, or how work ruined their weekend but they still managed to do something valantiny, and the always evident married ones preaching to us singles as to how awesome married life is and how we should get married the minute we can. (at this point i always imagine that they suddenly turn into these preacher like clothes, the white cassocked, balding bearded men and very nun like clothed women without the bald or the beard, preaching/sermoning us to get god/religion or what ever it is that they are selling). thus wading from meaningless conversations to meaningless conversations we waited for the decent time to leave.
one such topic we walked by was the existence of a digital life, social networking, mafia wars, farmville and such. and people ridiculed the obsession that others had and how when we were kids we had such games we played offline and on LAN. and how even seniors today have gotten on to these trivial pursuits. then like any other conversation between friends fingers were pointed on how that person did things the same way as those described earlier. when it comes to anything remotely on the internet, i am generally the one to be pointed to. not because i am good at anything there, but because of my dependence on all things digital. my phone, ipod, macbook all of these things that i shall shamelessly acknowledge that i cannot do without. what if started to emerge, what if i woke up one day, my laptop wouldnt boot, my phone died, m ipod wont play, my email addresses erased, and everything that i did on the internet just basically vanished. (this blog included, but no one mentioned that because i am sure no one reads it) and so on and like every other time, it would end in if that happened i would kill myself. and they all somehow enjoy that ending. something about, now i know this man is mortal. his life can be in our hands, its not diabolical, its just natural that people dont like to know that there are people whose weakness these people dont know.
(commercial break. bad adverts and such. go grab your popcorn, or change the channels now, cos the tone of this series is about to get preachy)
but then i started wondering, dont we all have such things? for some its their little blinking screens, for some it is their online persona, for some it is their money, they pride, for some it is their loved ones. everyone has a set of things, that enable them to get by without which you would find it difficult to function. if that thing, is your digital persona so be it.
the argument they have against it, is that its not real because i cannot touch it. and because i can go to all those places without leaving my chair, those places dont exist either. i think that is a sad assumption to make. the internet, and therefore all things that happen on it are real. the places, the people the things that these people do in those places . second life is not an extension of you on the internet, it is you online. the mind does things that the body just cannot catch up with. so when you lose something online, when your associations with it are purely that of the mind, you would tend to lose it.
imagine if your house got bombed. would you understand if someone killed themselves over it then? (i know i promised not to talk of bombs and death, but this is just to show you why someone would kill themselves over lost facebook pages)
we are ok with people jumping off buildings over lost jobs. but we are not willing to accept that there are some who would do everything they do, online... and if they lose it they almost lose it all. in this day and age? wake up neandrathal and smell the instant coffee!
(fade to black....)
to be continued...
(meaning less white noise between two badly made series.)
(this post is in the wake of a recent attack on my city. )
there was this cafe in my city.
see how i said was? it got bombed last week. or so they say, they blame it on terrorist attacks, some say its a faulty gas line. 9 dead, 50 injured, 13 critical. the opposition blames the government. the government blames the terrorist we blame the police, the police blames the people and the cycle continues.
here are the things presented to us as facts.
and the solution to these issues seem to be, invade the country harboring these terrorists, show no mercy, cut all diplomatic ties with them, no business, no exchange of entertainment, suspend all peace talks until these attacks are stopped and these attackers are brought to justice. do what the world did to south africa at the peak of the apartheid movement and get them to stop this and talk, or we just go all afghanistan on them, poison their rivers, kill their cattle. fight back with raping and killing everything that moves thru the land. run them over with tanks bombs grenades and mines. we bleed them dry to take back what is rightfully ours.
but would it solve anything. what about escalation? we hit them with guns they bring tanks, we bring tanks, they bring planes, we bring planes they bring missiles and the circle continues, until one of us brings a nuke to the table. what about them doing the same things to us as we would want to do to them. plus we got a faceless, shapeless demon to blame this on, their government blames it on independent extremist groups. these groups dont show formal links to the government. the army does its share of things. we cant really negotiate, talk to any one of them, since they all point their fingers in someone else's direction.
the politics of conflict. we dont realize that we dont want peace. we benifit from the conflict too much. our politicos use it as an agenda for elections. the opposition blames the govt for negligence, the govt blames the opposition for lack of support. the local govt blames the center for lack of support, the police blames the city, we blame the police, the police blame the people. we use this as an excuse to not focus on our problems. we use it as a way of getting away from the problems we really need to solve. it allows us a leverage in international dialogue, and it affords them access to funds from other extremist groups to fund their cause. defense contracts, funds that can be embezzled, the coffin scams, all these cannot happen in peace times. so then what? well, let us assume:
i think its crucial we see the facts presented to us in new light. we are dealing with an extremist group here. there will never be an end to this. we can bomb our neighbors to oblivion if we like, but that will solve nothing. it would be like killing the mother of criminally insane children. (i know there is nothing called criminally insane tendencies, but i think it would be nice to have such tendencies bunched up and treated on a therapists couch with handcuffs, a very clockwork orange type thing). we could go exterminating these terrorists, but then we only get seen in worse light than what they show us in, giving rise to more extremists.
so how do we solve this? there are two choices we have:
one, is reduce the impact they have on our lives. we just continue on the path we choose, strengthen our borders, make arrangements to strengthen our states. airport security, security on entry into state and city limits needs to be tightened. damage control. eliminate what you can, and minimize where you cant.
two. we take the war to them, we go as low as they did, show them what it is to have an extremist attack your world repeatedly. drop a bunch of the criminally insane into their land, and let them lose. no cause mentioned, no group sited. murder death kill until there is no more. show them the pain until they would just stop it all to go back and put out the fires back home.
we may not have the peace we wanted. but we will have the peace we fought for.
there was this cafe in my city.
see how i said was? it got bombed last week. or so they say, they blame it on terrorist attacks, some say its a faulty gas line. 9 dead, 50 injured, 13 critical. the opposition blames the government. the government blames the terrorist we blame the police, the police blames the people and the cycle continues.
here are the things presented to us as facts.
1. its a local chapter of a national extremist group.
2. its a part of a series of attacks.
3. its related to an issue that has little or nothing to do with the city.
and the solution to these issues seem to be, invade the country harboring these terrorists, show no mercy, cut all diplomatic ties with them, no business, no exchange of entertainment, suspend all peace talks until these attacks are stopped and these attackers are brought to justice. do what the world did to south africa at the peak of the apartheid movement and get them to stop this and talk, or we just go all afghanistan on them, poison their rivers, kill their cattle. fight back with raping and killing everything that moves thru the land. run them over with tanks bombs grenades and mines. we bleed them dry to take back what is rightfully ours.
but would it solve anything. what about escalation? we hit them with guns they bring tanks, we bring tanks, they bring planes, we bring planes they bring missiles and the circle continues, until one of us brings a nuke to the table. what about them doing the same things to us as we would want to do to them. plus we got a faceless, shapeless demon to blame this on, their government blames it on independent extremist groups. these groups dont show formal links to the government. the army does its share of things. we cant really negotiate, talk to any one of them, since they all point their fingers in someone else's direction.
the politics of conflict. we dont realize that we dont want peace. we benifit from the conflict too much. our politicos use it as an agenda for elections. the opposition blames the govt for negligence, the govt blames the opposition for lack of support. the local govt blames the center for lack of support, the police blames the city, we blame the police, the police blame the people. we use this as an excuse to not focus on our problems. we use it as a way of getting away from the problems we really need to solve. it allows us a leverage in international dialogue, and it affords them access to funds from other extremist groups to fund their cause. defense contracts, funds that can be embezzled, the coffin scams, all these cannot happen in peace times. so then what? well, let us assume:
A. there will be no peace. ever
B. we wont give them what they want, and they wont stop trying to get it.
i think its crucial we see the facts presented to us in new light. we are dealing with an extremist group here. there will never be an end to this. we can bomb our neighbors to oblivion if we like, but that will solve nothing. it would be like killing the mother of criminally insane children. (i know there is nothing called criminally insane tendencies, but i think it would be nice to have such tendencies bunched up and treated on a therapists couch with handcuffs, a very clockwork orange type thing). we could go exterminating these terrorists, but then we only get seen in worse light than what they show us in, giving rise to more extremists.
so how do we solve this? there are two choices we have:
one, is reduce the impact they have on our lives. we just continue on the path we choose, strengthen our borders, make arrangements to strengthen our states. airport security, security on entry into state and city limits needs to be tightened. damage control. eliminate what you can, and minimize where you cant.
two. we take the war to them, we go as low as they did, show them what it is to have an extremist attack your world repeatedly. drop a bunch of the criminally insane into their land, and let them lose. no cause mentioned, no group sited. murder death kill until there is no more. show them the pain until they would just stop it all to go back and put out the fires back home.
we may not have the peace we wanted. but we will have the peace we fought for.
sincerest apologies to the believers.
a few weeks ago, someone posted a question on pre-adamic age. and what must have happened then. i thought it was a good question and got thinking on that. i know i would hurt someone's sentiments with it and all that but then again, i was never known to be the sensitive types. plus, i got nothing to write this week, no mixing insects in a post, no stories to tell. no tech implements to rant/rave about. nothing. so here is my excuse of a post.
actually there has to have been a pre-adamic age. it lasted for 5 days i think. god made man on the 6th day... sort of like building the zoo and then moving the monkeys in. there fore, i think the devil was gods first creation, he was essentially made as his friend, confidant and chess opponent. (u see god has to have gotten bored of talking to himself alone.) but then the devil was sick of losing and started cheating and so god sent him on earth as a snake. dude was pissed. went and lashed it out on gods favorite creation (not because people were beautiful, but because they were so freaking stupid that it was amazing. sort of like his own personal lol cats!) and said, dude, the guy up there, he hates you... he thinks you are fat and ugly... and stupid. but if you want to get even with him, he is keeping his most delicious apple on those trees and he goes for a nap between 1-3 in the afternoon... go steal it. and balm! you have the story of adam eve and the apple they stole.
i think in gods own country (not kerala, the original gods own country, heaven as we are told) the apples are like super old whiskey or really good weed. so he kept a tree full of it on earth, away from his wife and kids, and his evil twin benny. so he kept it here, and would say... i am off to earth dear, got a lot to do this week, will see you later. he would come over, get high, get naked and make dinosaurs, crocodiles and that ugly lady who lives down the road from my house. but to us human, its just an apple that broke our inhibitors. thats all.
so there you go. questions answered. posts written. cheap shot i know, but what can i say, cheap guy.
a few weeks ago, someone posted a question on pre-adamic age. and what must have happened then. i thought it was a good question and got thinking on that. i know i would hurt someone's sentiments with it and all that but then again, i was never known to be the sensitive types. plus, i got nothing to write this week, no mixing insects in a post, no stories to tell. no tech implements to rant/rave about. nothing. so here is my excuse of a post.
Where does Satan and the fall fit into the Bible ? He must have been cast down before Adam and Eve were created because he was there to tempt Eve in the Garden? Was there, could there have been, a pre-Adamic age - and surly this would have been a catastrophic event ?
actually there has to have been a pre-adamic age. it lasted for 5 days i think. god made man on the 6th day... sort of like building the zoo and then moving the monkeys in. there fore, i think the devil was gods first creation, he was essentially made as his friend, confidant and chess opponent. (u see god has to have gotten bored of talking to himself alone.) but then the devil was sick of losing and started cheating and so god sent him on earth as a snake. dude was pissed. went and lashed it out on gods favorite creation (not because people were beautiful, but because they were so freaking stupid that it was amazing. sort of like his own personal lol cats!) and said, dude, the guy up there, he hates you... he thinks you are fat and ugly... and stupid. but if you want to get even with him, he is keeping his most delicious apple on those trees and he goes for a nap between 1-3 in the afternoon... go steal it. and balm! you have the story of adam eve and the apple they stole.
but then why did god leave the apple tree behind?
i think in gods own country (not kerala, the original gods own country, heaven as we are told) the apples are like super old whiskey or really good weed. so he kept a tree full of it on earth, away from his wife and kids, and his evil twin benny. so he kept it here, and would say... i am off to earth dear, got a lot to do this week, will see you later. he would come over, get high, get naked and make dinosaurs, crocodiles and that ugly lady who lives down the road from my house. but to us human, its just an apple that broke our inhibitors. thats all.
so there you go. questions answered. posts written. cheap shot i know, but what can i say, cheap guy.
there was once a grasshopper named bob.
now bob had is ways with the world. he would do what he wanted, when he wanted and how he wanted. all things that he wanted he did and all things he did, everyone wanted. now bob keeps doing things, good things bad things, new things, but all different kinds of thing. hopping away to glory. eating what he finds when he finds, no saving for rainy days no burrowing thru the grounds, no making homes or nests. just living it up each day, grasshopper style.
same time there are these ants. millions of them. running around toe to tail, one after the other , in sync, in style all with the same dreams of one day being the queen bee, sitting and eating, hatching eggs at the heart of the hive. the good life they said. with the big rooms, the sweet honey, the friends, the admirers, the jealous onlookers the evil empires. everything under the sun and behind it to make us happy.
but every once in a while the ant would glance a shady glance at the grasshopper. dancing till his shoes hurt, doing his thing, the grasshopper thing. being himself smiling dancing making merry, doing the joke and poke thing. everyone watches him and so does the ant. part in awe part in envy and part wondering why hes not that guy? why is he doing this in the line on the floor thing? why cant he just leave this all and take up the violin and play the strings to oblivion. he knows he will be happy that way. it may not be all honey and empires, but he would do it for the happiness and stories. the guns and glories. the small town man with the big time dreams, making it in the big city without losing his chee.
but then he marches on. he get back in line, dons the helmet that his predecessors did and soldiers on. hoping, nay knowing one day, he makes it to the top, get the girl, the house, the sweet nectar of gods and all that. and resolving under his breath that one day he shall meet the grasshopper, watch him play the songs do the dance from high up above in his silvery throne. and tell the next generation as to how the grasshopper stayed where he was, while he moved up and moved on! the grasshopper froze each winter, the ant stayed warm, moral of the story work for your happiness nothing is for free. the end.
but no one asked the grasshopper, sir, what is your version of life? are you happy making merry or is there something to look forward to? dont you want to do the queen grasshopper thing? the life of luxury, shiny objects and fresh cut leaves? dont you want to be at that place? be that guy who everyone wants to be, who everyone either envies, or talks about? i think if someone did ask him these question he would reply in the most lost voice of all...
hell yeah. i want to be that guy that you all want to be. but i want to be happy first. and i cant make up my mind what i want to do about either of them? i cant commit to a life on the path, i think its just too slow, and too tedious. i want to do what i want to do and i want to have what everyone wants to have and i want it all now. i cant wait till the end of my life to do what i want, wait for my parents to pass on the mantle to me, wait for my kids to take on the mantle, wait for the birds to leave home the bees to go out hunting before i go out and play the fiddle the violin and become the traveling one piece band i want to become. but what can i do? can i stop being me for an indefinite period of time and then keep who i want to be for later? i dont think i can refrigerate desires?
we are all born at the crossroads. the fiddle in one hand, and a shovel in the other. you can find your time to do both, or bury one with the other. most make their choices early on, some have them made for them. i am still staring at both my hands, trying one, and then trying the next... still at that cross roads staring into what lies ahead. i am still the hopper i was the day i hopped in. and guess what.. i think i shall be happy hopping for a while.... and not cos i am happy doing it, no, and definitely not because i want to do it all my life, hell no. i will be hopping because that is all i know how to do, and if i stand in one place long enough, may be i would miss out on all the other places i want to be in. so there's this and thats that. now can i go please? i see something new i havent done before and i want to get done with it.
now bob had is ways with the world. he would do what he wanted, when he wanted and how he wanted. all things that he wanted he did and all things he did, everyone wanted. now bob keeps doing things, good things bad things, new things, but all different kinds of thing. hopping away to glory. eating what he finds when he finds, no saving for rainy days no burrowing thru the grounds, no making homes or nests. just living it up each day, grasshopper style.
same time there are these ants. millions of them. running around toe to tail, one after the other , in sync, in style all with the same dreams of one day being the queen bee, sitting and eating, hatching eggs at the heart of the hive. the good life they said. with the big rooms, the sweet honey, the friends, the admirers, the jealous onlookers the evil empires. everything under the sun and behind it to make us happy.
but every once in a while the ant would glance a shady glance at the grasshopper. dancing till his shoes hurt, doing his thing, the grasshopper thing. being himself smiling dancing making merry, doing the joke and poke thing. everyone watches him and so does the ant. part in awe part in envy and part wondering why hes not that guy? why is he doing this in the line on the floor thing? why cant he just leave this all and take up the violin and play the strings to oblivion. he knows he will be happy that way. it may not be all honey and empires, but he would do it for the happiness and stories. the guns and glories. the small town man with the big time dreams, making it in the big city without losing his chee.
but then he marches on. he get back in line, dons the helmet that his predecessors did and soldiers on. hoping, nay knowing one day, he makes it to the top, get the girl, the house, the sweet nectar of gods and all that. and resolving under his breath that one day he shall meet the grasshopper, watch him play the songs do the dance from high up above in his silvery throne. and tell the next generation as to how the grasshopper stayed where he was, while he moved up and moved on! the grasshopper froze each winter, the ant stayed warm, moral of the story work for your happiness nothing is for free. the end.
but no one asked the grasshopper, sir, what is your version of life? are you happy making merry or is there something to look forward to? dont you want to do the queen grasshopper thing? the life of luxury, shiny objects and fresh cut leaves? dont you want to be at that place? be that guy who everyone wants to be, who everyone either envies, or talks about? i think if someone did ask him these question he would reply in the most lost voice of all...
hell yeah. i want to be that guy that you all want to be. but i want to be happy first. and i cant make up my mind what i want to do about either of them? i cant commit to a life on the path, i think its just too slow, and too tedious. i want to do what i want to do and i want to have what everyone wants to have and i want it all now. i cant wait till the end of my life to do what i want, wait for my parents to pass on the mantle to me, wait for my kids to take on the mantle, wait for the birds to leave home the bees to go out hunting before i go out and play the fiddle the violin and become the traveling one piece band i want to become. but what can i do? can i stop being me for an indefinite period of time and then keep who i want to be for later? i dont think i can refrigerate desires?
we are all born at the crossroads. the fiddle in one hand, and a shovel in the other. you can find your time to do both, or bury one with the other. most make their choices early on, some have them made for them. i am still staring at both my hands, trying one, and then trying the next... still at that cross roads staring into what lies ahead. i am still the hopper i was the day i hopped in. and guess what.. i think i shall be happy hopping for a while.... and not cos i am happy doing it, no, and definitely not because i want to do it all my life, hell no. i will be hopping because that is all i know how to do, and if i stand in one place long enough, may be i would miss out on all the other places i want to be in. so there's this and thats that. now can i go please? i see something new i havent done before and i want to get done with it.
today i lost something.
something valued. something irreplaceable. it was my years of hard work, collecting, saving, swapping, and creating little bits and pieces to put it all together there. it was my hard drive. 320 gigs of portable entertainment. all gone in one single drop of my bag. one careless/carefree gesture and all is gone.
to the untrained eye, it is like a watch being broken, or a favorite tshirt with moth holes in it, but to me, and i am sure to a lot of others to whom half the fun is in the amount of space it occupied. but to me, is the 1900s equivalent of having a big fire in your workplace. or a california wild fire of the 2000s, or losing your own hut in the haiti earthquake. no matter what you get after this.. your life can never go back to being the same. you may rebuild your fortunes, you may work hard enough to make all of this seem like a bad dream, but that day you change. you become someone you were not before and someone you will be for the rest of your life.
the hard disk was fairly new and it isnt that i lost the drive or that i lost money today that i am sad, its a lot more. it is that today i am reminded of my helplessness against all things that i thought i was using for convenience. i cant go without my phone, my ipod, my laptop, the hard drives i own, none of that. its almost as if i am slave to it. and thus the unbearable loss.
almost reminds me of the matrix reloaded dialogue between the council man and neo about dependencies. and he ends with... 'are we truly free?'
and so shall i.
(alright may be just a little foot note.
i know i know. i am a day late. but in my defence, i was a day early last time so there that and thats that! plus i am a grieving man this week. i am allowed a day off aren't i? i mean 320 gigs of movies, music, may be a few bits of work too all gone. never to be gotten again. i am allowed a day off!
i also have to do this..
something valued. something irreplaceable. it was my years of hard work, collecting, saving, swapping, and creating little bits and pieces to put it all together there. it was my hard drive. 320 gigs of portable entertainment. all gone in one single drop of my bag. one careless/carefree gesture and all is gone.
to the untrained eye, it is like a watch being broken, or a favorite tshirt with moth holes in it, but to me, and i am sure to a lot of others to whom half the fun is in the amount of space it occupied. but to me, is the 1900s equivalent of having a big fire in your workplace. or a california wild fire of the 2000s, or losing your own hut in the haiti earthquake. no matter what you get after this.. your life can never go back to being the same. you may rebuild your fortunes, you may work hard enough to make all of this seem like a bad dream, but that day you change. you become someone you were not before and someone you will be for the rest of your life.
the hard disk was fairly new and it isnt that i lost the drive or that i lost money today that i am sad, its a lot more. it is that today i am reminded of my helplessness against all things that i thought i was using for convenience. i cant go without my phone, my ipod, my laptop, the hard drives i own, none of that. its almost as if i am slave to it. and thus the unbearable loss.
almost reminds me of the matrix reloaded dialogue between the council man and neo about dependencies. and he ends with... 'are we truly free?'
and so shall i.
(alright may be just a little foot note.
i know i know. i am a day late. but in my defence, i was a day early last time so there that and thats that! plus i am a grieving man this week. i am allowed a day off aren't i? i mean 320 gigs of movies, music, may be a few bits of work too all gone. never to be gotten again. i am allowed a day off!
i also have to do this..
happy birthday sister.she thought this would make up for a good excuse for a post. may be she was right, this does seem more intelligent and mature than crying over a dead drive. but then... i dont want to seem what i am not. )
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